to clean or not to clean...

Testing, testing, anybody out there?  I'm calling upon you, whose judgement I trust and whose life situations are largely similar to mine, to help me with a dilemma.  I just posted this on my blog and it's such a stupid thing, but I'm really hoping for your honest thoughts on the issue:


Lately I am obsessed with the idea of having a cleaning lady.  Don't judge me if you have not yet considered paying somebody to come and clean your toilets for you. It may not be your time yet. It never even occurred to me until recently that I might actually be "that kind of girl". But circumstances have combined such that I am thinking about it all the time.  Every time I find myself pulling an all nighter just to get the toilets cleaned and one more load of laundry done, not in the hopes of getting ahead, (that NEVER happens) but just to get a little less behind, I think to myself, "why on earth am I doing this?" There IS another option. The cleaning lady.


The cleaning lady! I say it like she's already part of the family.  I see her in my mind.  I've already planned what I will do on Wednesday mornings while she is here. I wonder if she would mind if I left Redd here sleeping while I ran errands.  I see cute scarves in the store and think, "That would be a nice Christmas gift for the cleaning lady." the problem is...I haven't hired her yet. And I don't  know if I ever will. There are about 500 reasons to have a cleaning lady, and far fewer reasons not to, but they apparently weigh in pretty heavily. I've been searching my heart on this one. Here are my top hangups, followed by the reasons they shouldn't be.

First, the work ethic. My parents, my husband, my church, and all the people I admire most teach me that it is important to work. I believe in work. I believe in teaching your children to work. It just feels funny to ask somebody else to do something you can do yourself. The problem with that problem is that, even if I DID have somebody come for an hour or 2 once a week, it barely makes a dent in the WORK there is to do around here. I just want somebody to mop my floor and scrub my tubs once a week so I know it's been done. Cause honestly, I'm just not getting to it as often as I should. There is still plenty of work to go around. I feel like I could have hours of help every day and still have plenty to do myself, and plenty to have my kids do. The cleaning lady is not going to do my dishes or my laundry, make our dinner or organize the junk drawer.


Second, Money. It will always be an issue. You always have to choose what you are going to spend it on and while paying a cleaning lady is theoretically within reach, it would be at the expense of something else. But really, how can  you put a price on TIME? It is my top commodity right now. There are so many worthy things vying for my time right now,  and there is just not enough to go around.  Andy has an assistant at work because his time is better spent doing certain things that he is good at doing. It makes so much sense to me to have some help doing the things that take me away from things where my talents and expertise are better utilized.  I don't want Dora to teach my kids while I mop floors. I want someone else to mop floors while I teach my kids.   My time is of so much more value to my children, and my calling, and a million other people and activities, than to my toilets.

Third, stigma. I'm just not sure I can be the lady with a cleaning lady. This is the most ridiculous reason of all.  When I find out that somebody has a cleaning lady, do I think less of them? No! I think, "You go girl!" But that's because I am where I am now. 5 years ago, I probably did think only princesses had cleaning ladies. That was before 4 kids. Add cleaning lady to the list of things I was never going to do, like wipe boogers off my kids faces with my own spit. But there it is. We all do it.  So why can't I get a cleaning lady? I don't want to care what other people think of me, but I do. And it's also partly what I think of myself.  Cleaning lady just doesn't fit with my self image. I associate cleaning ladies with, well, clean houses. I've never had one of those, even at the pinnacle of my homemaking activity.  I don't have any illusions of grandeur, I'm not thinking that if I get a cleaning lady my house will suddenly be clean.  But I will know that under the piles of clutter and dirt, the floors are clean. The jam stuck to the floor can't have been there more than a week. There may be piles of sand in the tub, but at least there is no ring around it.

To clean or not to clean...is not really the question. I'm always going to spend a huge chunk of my time maintaining order in our home.  I am afraid to get a cleaning lady for all the reasons mentioned.  But I am also afraid to look back on my childrens childhood and sorely regret not spending more time with them, and less time being mad at them for not helping me keep the house clean. I think I will get over my hangups when it's too late and look back and WISH I had had more picnics and read more books and done more science experiments. And hired a cleaning lady.  I don't think I have unreasonable expectations.   I already let an awful lot slide.  I just don't want to get my children taken away if the health department does a surprise inspection one day.

What do YOU think about the cleaning lady?

Diaper deal-i-o

I miss you guys. Anybody still check this blog? I've become a bit of an obsessive deal finder lately (cue New Year's goal to SIMPLIFY) but one of my favorites is Amazon Mom. It's free to sign up and they give you free 2-day shipping on any order (not just $25 ones). For those of you...(all of us?) buying diapers, if you sign up and then click "subscribe and save" instead of just check out you get 30% off your diapers! Subscribing means they come every however often you click...I get mine once a month but you could do every 6 months, or just subscribe and get 30% off then cancel if you just want to try it out. SO I just got a box of 228 Luvs delivered free to my door for $24. The 228 pack of Pampers (size 2) was only $29. AND best of all...it keeps me out of walmart.

I Want You All To Come To Prague With Me....

The minute I saw this store, I thought "where are all my Glen Court girls right now?"

Please come to Prague with me so we can go shoe shopping.

It says:

Be Surprised By 7 Floors Of Shoes!

Free/Discounted Stuff

You guys should check out these websites. I have found lots of good stuff. Maybe you already knew about them, but on this one, I signed up at Babies R Us and I will be getting a free &25 Gift Card, I just have to spend $50.  This is the first time I have seen this site, so I don't know how good it is, but if someone else can watch the deals for me, I am all for that.

Freebies4Mom

I have been watching this one for about a week and I got a really good deal on shoes at Payless, free makeup, and lots of good coupons.  I know she is based in Utah and so a lot of the deals are from Utah, but yeah for on-line shopping.  Check it out:

Freebies2deals

bags

Hey folks, this is just a little plug for my sister-in-law's etsy shop. She makes really great bags and things, and she is doing this boutique this week so you can get 20% off anything in her shop.I think you just have to mention ucreate in the checkout box. Anyway there are a couple other cute shops with discounts too, hers is skye-o.

Better Take a Turn

Hi Ladies!
I have been thinking about this since Jenni first sent it out. And let me tell you I get a little nervous hearing how hard is has been for all of you to leave Glen Courts. That doesn't mean I want to stay longer than needful but I can see it will be a major life changing event. I'm glad you could all brave the way before me and perhaps you'll have some good advice when my turn comes. I feel intimidated offering you all advice but I've appreciated all of yours so I should donate something to the cause so here goes...(keep in mind I'm terrible at writing so I made this as simple as possible)

In answer to Jenni's questions:

What makes being a stay-at-home mom hard for you?
Being needed 24/7 by my kids! That there well being physically, mentally, spiritually, etc. is dependent on me being able to care for them. If that's not overwhelming I don't know what is!


What makes it worth it to you?
Pretty much what everyone else has said...the small moments. When I get to talk to Emma about the gospel or when we all sit around the table at lunch time and laugh about something. The spirit often touches me at these times and reminds me that if I worked these moments would not have happened and that my life and my kids lives are better because of these moments.

What gives you daily satisfaction?
The small moments but also I think spiritually is soooooo important as I know you all know. I've often noticed that after a hard day I am much more rejuvenated if I sit and read my scriptures for ten minutes rather than run to the mall "to relax" and drown my sorrows in shopping! I feel satisified at the end of a day if I feel at peace at the end of the day. At the end of a day I sooo much want to just do whatever I want to do. But I've found if I take a couple minutes for spiritual things I feel so much peace and no matter how hard the day was I go to bed feeling okay.

Where does your inspiration come from?
I guess for me my inspiration to stay home and raise children comes from the knowledge that I know what I am doing is right. That's what it boils down to for me. I have a friend back in UT who has a passion for this topic and has done some serious research on it. Here are some of her words:

Mindy Thornley

In all my experience of teaching youth (four years of EFY, two years of Seminary) I have learned a very profound truth. God will always take care of His children. If I am faithful, obedient, and rely on Him and His atonement, He will not allow my weaknesses or inadequacies interfere with taking care of His children. I experienced this countless times in the settings I have been in with His children. I cannot even begin to comprehend how much more He is able to offer His children's earthly mothers.

I cannot even begin to fathom the blessings that will come in the life to come when mothers approach our loving Heavenly Father, having played a vital role in returning His children to Him. What feeling can compare with that even in the most successful career?

A career generally will have the opportunities to bring about the praise of man and the world, while many mock the idea of staying at home. But remember, motherhood brings about the praise and glory of God.
Then she gives this quote:

“[The] ability and willingness properly to rear children, the gift to love, and eagerness … to express it in soul development, make motherhood the noblest office or calling in the world. She who can paint a masterpiece or write a book that will influence millions deserves the admiration and the plaudits of mankind; but she who rears successfully a family of healthy, beautiful sons and daughters, whose influence will be felt through generations to come, … deserves the highest honor that man can give, and the choicest blessings of God,” (David O. McKay, Gospel Ideals [1954], 453–54).

Thanks for all of your advice!
Amber

My rambling thoughts...

First of all, it has been absolutely therapeutic for me to read all of your posts and comments on this subject. Doesn't it feel good to know we're not alone? And not only am I not alone, but I am surrounded by amazing women who are such tremendous examples that give me hope and comfort. Thank YOU for that. You all inspire me!
I'm grateful to Jenni for bringing this topic 'to the table' because I have been struggling with life in general lately. And since 'my life' is being a mother, this topic absolutely applies. Life has taken a turn-I don't want to say for the worse, but let's just say the last four years of vacation are over! Life is completely different; trying to get comfortable in a new city, a new ward, a new schedule for Jeff which means I rarely see him, and getting used to the idea of a new baby joining us in March-(Surprise!) Add to that, two young children who lately seem to suck the energy and patience and anything else good right out of me, you've got my life in a nut shell.
So no, I don't always enjoy my role as mother and homemaker. And I'm often not very good at it. Which often leads to feelings of guilt and sadness. But, it would be impossible to expect happiness, perfection and ease in EVERY aspect of mothering, right? So, how do I stay on middle ground?
A few things help me. Like Abby said, keeping an eternal perspective is key. I have often thought, 'won't it be nice when I don't have to (fill in the blank) because my kids will be older and more self-sufficient and less needy, etc, etc?' But when I think that, I'm often reminded of what Elder Ballard said in his conference talk a couple years ago. He reminded us young mothers that our children will need us the way they need us now for a small fraction of our lifetime and theirs. That hit home. When I'm cuddling with either of my boys and I think of the day when neither will want to hug me at all, my heart relishes and basks in that moment when they're in my arms because I know the day will come soon enough when my kids won't need me anymore the way they do now. On the other hand, keeping an eternal perspective helps me get through the hard moments. Like Mandie said, 'This too shall pass.' I won't always have a tantrum-throwing two-year old. So, an eternal perspective helps me to get through the rough days as well as really enjoy and actually look for and make time for the 'golden moments' that are fleeting. And Abby, I LOVE how you said, we chose this! That's such a wake-up call for me! This is what I chose, knowing full-well it wouldn't be easy and that is absolutely why it is worth it!
Like Becki and Shalet, planning ahead and making an effort to stay organized really eliminates a lot of stress and grudges that go into the 'taking care of business' part of being a mom. I'm a total hypocrite as I write this-I haven't gotten on the ball since arriving in Minnesota but I'll blame the pregnancy for now. Anyway, in the past I have made efforts to plan a weekly menu and stay on top of my errands and cleaning and I found that it made more time for 'golden moments' like reading with or playing with the boys because I'm not stressing about all the millions of things I had to get done. And like Becki said, it makes me feel like I'm good at my 'job'.
Of course, making time for myself, is also key to a mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically-well-balanced mother of our home. This could be a full-time job in and of itself so no wonder I'm a wreck lately! But, seriously, I've learned over the years that it doesn't require much and like Shalet mentioned, the Lord makes up for what I'm lacking. Having a mini devotional in the morning (which sadly doesn't happen every morning) by myself with prayer and scripture study really makes such a difference in my day. The Lord gives me the strength to deal with anything when I make time for Him. Exercise, reading, and listening to music are also great things that rejuvenate me and I've found that they are definitely do-able with young children. What I mean is that like Larissa said, when we're mom's we're kind of left out of doing anything we want like snowboarding because we're pregnant or because we can't afford it or because we simply are mom's and have the responsibility of caring for our kids. So, maybe in another season of life the time I make for myself will be more extravagant and time-consuming. Wow, that sounded selfish and wonderful at the same time! But for now, these suffice and I can truly say I LOVE doing them. (I also love the comment about parenting and dessert going hand-in-hand. Indulging in a little dessert after the kids go to sleep can be therapeutic for me!)
Okay, one more thing, for now. I have realized that when I am looking forward to something that is exciting I can get through the drudgery easier. And I'm not talking about looking forward to being done with residency or when my kids are older or when we'll be debt-free, etc, etc. I'm talking about short-term things. Like looking forward to organizing that closet (which I know, doesn't appeal to everyone) or trying a new recipe or rearranging the furniture or decorating a newly cleared space. I'm talking little things. But I have realized that I really thrive on being able to look forward to social interactions like play-dates and outings with friends and having company for dinner. Being social really helps me enjoy the in's and out's of day-to-day life. It feels good to have friends that love, understand, and encourage you in your daily battles and triumphs. Which leads me to a question for all of you: Do you feel we were totally spoiled at Glen Courts? I know some of you still live there, but I've been noticing how much more effort it takes to be social in a new place since moving here. And for those who have lived outside of GC for longer does it get easier? For instance, I don't run into anyone while I'm taking out my trash, carrying in the groceries, or just getting fresh air. Therefore, I can't just casually ask so-and-so if they want to step across the hall and have dinner with us. So that means if I want to see people, I truly have to make an effort. Like call someone on the phone and compare our calendars. I remember Ashley Johnson at a book club once mentioned that she would see a young mom pushing a stroller past her house and she thought, 'I wonder where she lives! Should I go talk to her? Maybe we could be friends!' It was meant to be a funny story and it was but I didn't understand how she felt until I moved into a home of my own in a neighborhood where little kids walk by with their moms and I wonder, 'Maybe they live close! I should run out and say hi. Maybe we could be friends.' It's just a whole new world. Now, of course we all made great friends from WI that never lived at GC but it sure made things easier when we all were brand-spanking new, don't you think? I know none of us are meant to be in that situation for life but I think I got used to a few conveniences while I was there and it's been a transition leaving that.
Anyway, now I'm totally off-subject and really rambling. You guys are all fantastic and I'm so grateful for all of you! I think you are all wonderful mothers and you have each been a great example to me in some way. And I want you all to know that I have a testimony of what we're all doing every single day as mothers and that there's nothing better or more worthwhile than raising our children. Love and miss you all!